Feb 15
MoggyRandom
This is a genuine complaint to Devon & Cornwall Police Force from an angry member of the public
A true email sent to the force, lengthy but brilliantly written……
Dear Sir/Madam/Automated telephone answering service,
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Bodmin police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead.
Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Bodmin, by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.
As I’m writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in St Mary’s Crescent, which is just off St Mary’s Road in Bodmin.
Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! Which rings throughout the entire building.
This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.
The remaining five failed-abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on ecstasy pills.
I fear that it’s only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the caravan gas bottle that is lying on its side between the two bins.
If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.
Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I’ve just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this – after replying to this e-mai l with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a Panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.
I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you’ll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.
I remain your obedient servant,
Mr ******
The response:
Mr ******,
I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youths playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.
As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.
Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.
Regards
PC ***********
Community Beat Officer
[Source]
Feb 12
MoggyGoogle, Internet, Random, Search Engine
Google has recently rolled out their new beta website, and in with it a more slick version of their search suggestion tool (where you start typing what you want to search for, and a list of the ‘most popular’ suggestions come up). The feature is pretty good, but also makes me laugh rather a lot as a result of some the funny results that come up! Check out these screenshots from my experiences!
More
Jan 16
MoggyFacebook, Me, Random
In no particular order, here is a list of my favourite Facebook groups (not pages!) to date:
View all of my groups I have joined over the years… Enjoy!
Dec 01
MoggyApple, Computer, Mac, Random, Windows
Something I have noticed over the past few days is how people respond to a “Mac or PC” conversation. Has anyone else noticed this:
A Mac user will always comment on a PC by saying “Mac’s are so much simpler to use and do things on” AND THEN comment of specific details – not bashing on PC’s at all.
A PC user will always comment on a Mac by saying one of two things – firstly “Mac’s suck” or secondly, for horribly technical people, a ramble on about how a PC is cheaper, might work better and all that stuff – bashing Mac’s at any possible opportunity.
So, why is it that Mac users are just so much more accepting of their computer and nicer in conversations like the above?
Sep 15
MoggyLife, Random
We all know the real musts that you must never do while drunk (eg. drink and drive), but in this post I would like to share some things (from my personal, and others experiences) that you should not do while drunk, except the obvious. This is absolutely not a post to persuade people away from drinking – that’s just mad and a huge kill joy – just advice for what NOT to do when you get hammered. Enjoy.
Take a mental note of these things as what NEVER to do once you’ve been drinking!
1. Send text messages from your phone.
This is my number one rule – after you get your lift back home, turn your phone OFF, and give it to someone you trust who is not drunk… otherwise, the consequences can be disastrous. I speak from personal experience when one time I texted my dad when I was extremely drunk asking if he had any beer I could drink (incidentally, he was four thousand miles away at the time… on holiday…), and another time when I texted someone that I had previously fancied… with embarrassing consequences. But the point is this; when you are drunk… you can text ANYTHING. There was some bloke in America, and I kid you not – triggered an FBI investigation when he rather drunkenly texted his islamic friend and talking about 9/11.
More
Sep 01
MoggyLife, Me, Random
Taking a break from my normal technology or design related posts, I thought I would share my experience of Swine Flu.
Turns out that I caught the virus on the week of the 16th August, and I suffered from it on the Thursday to Sunday. I have to say – it was nasty. I had a killer headache, a massive fever, frequent chills, muscle pains and a rather upset stomach (mind you, I wasn’t sick, which I was happy about…).
Initially, I dismissed the idea that it was actually Swine Flu since I knew absolutely no one else with the virus, and even bigger give away was that I had suffered no such ‘cold like’ symptoms; such as coughing, sneezing, runny noses, runny eyes, etc.
However, a few days after falling ill, and getting better, it turns out I had passed the illness onto my mother – who, suffered a lot worse (probably because she’s a women and can’t deal with pain as well!). It was then we gave it the thought that we could both have had Swine Flu.
After ringing up the rather unhelpful Swine Flu Pandemic Service (England only), it turns out that there are strains of Swine Flu that are less serious – without the cold symptoms. We didn’t get sent Tamiflu, since we had both got better rather quickly.
To be honest, it wasn’t that bad – for me at least.
Nov 05
MoggyMe, Random
For all those wondering, my nickname ‘Moggy’ obviously comes from my surname ‘Mogford’. I have been called Moggy ever since the age of about 7 or 8, although it really started at the age of 7 when I was called ‘Mogman’ by my primary school teacher. It evolved into Moggy very quickly and thats been my nickname ever since. Today, all my personal friends know me as Moggy, while the large majority of teachers stick with Alastair, although thats now changing.
This was a random post, well done for noticing.
Oct 08
MoggyFamous People, Life, Me, Random
Likes
- Chocolate
- Ice Cream
- Top Gear
- Art
- Mac Computers
- Smell of tip-ex
- Orienteering
- Jeremy Clarkson
- Frankie Boyle
- Mock the Week
- My Friends
- Facebook
- YouTube
- Web Design
- Movies
- Cinemas
- Collecting DVD’s
- Play.com
- Maps
- Iceland (the country, not the shop)
- Funny TV Ad’s
- Surfing
- Listening to LOUD music
- Travelling
- Jack Johnson
- Grand Theft Auto
- Borat
- Cookies
Dislikes
- Eco-friendly people
- Global Warming
- Scientists
- The Government
- Chavs
- Arrogant People
- English (subject)
- Boredom
- TV Ad’s which are really crap
- Spam mail
- People asking dumb questions
- Coke’s that explode
- White chocolate
- Carrots
- Onions
- Tomatos
- Mushroom (yes, I’m a picky eater)
- People that don’t believe I don’t have a middle name
- Microsoft
- Slow computers! (Slow Macs too!)
- My ex-girlfriend (though, I am trying to get along with her)
- Liars!
- Awful money making movies
- Gordon Brown
- Internet Explorer
- Emo’s!
- Old People. (Sorry.. but your homes do smell.)
- The Eurovision Song Contest
- Public Transport
- Ryannair & easyJet
to be continued another day….
Aug 26
MoggyLife, Me, Random
Ok this thing is going around where I make 10 incredible facts about me that don’t normally relate to other people – so hey, I thought I’d have a go…
1) I have no middle name… just Alastair, then Mogford. Nothing in the middle. Nothing…
2) Despite being a die-hard Apple fan (I have a Mac) – I don’t think I’ll ever buy an iPhone…
3) I have a fear of hot things and fire… sparked ever since Jack burnt me in chemistry with a pair of test tube holders.
4) I have a guitar which I wanted for ages, but I have no idea how to play it properly!
5) When I was a baby (apparently) I ate so many carrots that my skin even went orange… but today I hate the damn things!
6) I live in a home occupied only by girls! Many people would think wow, but don’t get excited… it’s just my sister and my mum…
7) I’m the sort of person that if he can’t do something, he will persist over and over until he does do it, or he runs out of time or gives up because he can’t be bothered.
I hate the guts off so many people… too many to care to mention.. lol.
9) I have a surfboard, but have not yet used it ever because of a series of operations I’ve had on my knee replacing a ligament that some dickwad broke in the first place on the ski trip… [I hope he reads this...]
10) I hate tomato ketchup… makes me want to hurl! YUCK.
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