Feb 15
MoggyRandom
This is a genuine complaint to Devon & Cornwall Police Force from an angry member of the public
A true email sent to the force, lengthy but brilliantly written……
Dear Sir/Madam/Automated telephone answering service,
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Bodmin police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead.
Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Bodmin, by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.
As I’m writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in St Mary’s Crescent, which is just off St Mary’s Road in Bodmin.
Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! Which rings throughout the entire building.
This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.
The remaining five failed-abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on ecstasy pills.
I fear that it’s only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the caravan gas bottle that is lying on its side between the two bins.
If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.
Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I’ve just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this – after replying to this e-mai l with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a Panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.
I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you’ll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.
I remain your obedient servant,
Mr ******
The response:
Mr ******,
I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youths playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.
As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.
Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.
Regards
PC ***********
Community Beat Officer
[Source]
Feb 12
MoggyGoogle, Internet, Random, Search Engine
Google has recently rolled out their new beta website, and in with it a more slick version of their search suggestion tool (where you start typing what you want to search for, and a list of the ‘most popular’ suggestions come up). The feature is pretty good, but also makes me laugh rather a lot as a result of some the funny results that come up! Check out these screenshots from my experiences!
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Feb 03
MoggyMe, Mobile Phones, Technology, iPhone/iPod touch
In this post, I want to summarise the phones that I have had over the past few years. It’s amazing to see how things change over time!
Nokia 6100
This was my first ever phone. I was so excited! It was a hand-me-down from my mother, and after slipping in a cheap T-Mobile (just after they had changed from one2one!) pay as you go sim card – I was on my way! The phone was pretty decent too – colour screen, games, endless ringtones, etc. I was in love… until it dropped into a water bucket, and died.
Nokia 5140 (blue)
After my incident with the 6100, I decided to get the 5140. It had just been released, and was really popular because of it’s really durable body and strength. It was also marketed out at people who enjoyed outdoor activities (which, incidentally, I was at the time…). In terms of features, it had basically everything the 6100 had, but with a camera. I could only get the phone on the Orange network, so I got a new PASG sim from them.
Sony Ericsson K750i (silver)
After a good few years at Orange, we switched to Vodafone because they had a great business plan deal on that would suit the whole family – incidentally, we are still on the same contract today. Because of the new contract, we could pick virtually any phone, and naturally, I went for the best at the time – the 750i. I was mostly lured in my the insane 2MP camera (the best in 2005!), but about half way through the 18 month contract, the phone turned from being the best thing in the world, to the worst. Everything, and I mean… everything, just stopped working correctly – and I had to put up with this for at least another 8 months!
Nokia N95
This was the phone someone would dream about… and after becoming sick of Sony Ericsson’s dire reliability, I went back to Nokia and got wowed by the flippy screened N95. The specs and details with the phone simply were awesome – but it was just simply too big. It was actually a brick, the same materials used to build houses… I had an 18 month contract with the phone, but got so irritated half way through, I shoved the SIM card into my at-the-time girlfriends old phone, which I think was a Nokia 6000 series phone, similar to the 6100 and 5140 – but a bit weird looking!
Samsung Tocco
The third phone I got with Vodafone on the same contract was the Samsung Tocco. This thing was pretty nice – although it was a pity that the touchscreen wasn’t as responsive as I had hoped. This was my first touchscreen phone, and I was amazed by the concept… but let down a little. I had this little over a year, and just two weeks out of warranty, accidentally took it with me in my wetsuit when I went surfing. Not good!
Vodafone 521 (white)
Phone-less on holiday was becoming hell, so I had to buy myself a new handset quickly, and preferably cheap! I owned an iPod touch at the same time, and didn’t need any other functions other than the ability to send messages and make phone calls! The cheapest phone Vodafone had in their shop, was this, the 527 – a Sagem phone branded ‘Vodafone’ to match the network. It was all of £25. Why so cheap? Well, I’ll just put it out there for you – THIS IS THE WORST PHONE IN THE WORLD, EVER.
And that concludes my phone history. Until a few weeks time, when I’ll be getting an…
Apple iPhone 3GS 16GB (White)
The most epic phone ever. But my question is this – now that I’ll be switching to the iPhone, will I ever move away to another phone company? Or will I be iPhone outed for the rest of my life!?
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