Twitter
Facebook
RSS10 Little Things You Must NEVER Do While Drunk, in my opinion.
Sep 15
We all know the real musts that you must never do while drunk (eg. drink and drive), but in this post I would like to share some things (from my personal, and others experiences) that you should not do while drunk, except the obvious. This is absolutely not a post to persuade people away from drinking – that’s just mad and a huge kill joy – just advice for what NOT to do when you get hammered. Enjoy.
Take a mental note of these things as what NEVER to do once you’ve been drinking!
1. Send text messages from your phone.
This is my number one rule – after you get your lift back home, turn your phone OFF, and give it to someone you trust who is not drunk… otherwise, the consequences can be disastrous. I speak from personal experience when one time I texted my dad when I was extremely drunk asking if he had any beer I could drink (incidentally, he was four thousand miles away at the time… on holiday…), and another time when I texted someone that I had previously fancied… with embarrassing consequences. But the point is this; when you are drunk… you can text ANYTHING. There was some bloke in America, and I kid you not – triggered an FBI investigation when he rather drunkenly texted his islamic friend and talking about 9/11.
2. Take a taxi home and vomit/piss on the journey.
This is a typical laugh from just a few days ago from one of my relatively close friends, whom, as you can probably guess from the number two point – puked on the journey home – in a taxi. I feel for the taxi driver, I really do. And once again, like above, just imagine how much embarrassing stick you can get from your friends on this one. Taxi companies impose heavy fines for people who do this, and I consider my mate got off lightly with just a £50 fine.
3. Give yourself access to Twitter or Facebook.
Similar to point #1 here. Anything can happen – and even more so when your typing on a keyboard when drunk usually gets rather bad. I have typed on Twitter before while drunk, which was a mistake (and unbelievably sad!) to which I swiftly deleted the tweet in the morning. I refer though, to a story in which a man changed his facebook status while drunk that he was having an affair – consequently ending his marriage. Ah, not good… right!?
4. Make phone calls to your friends/family.
Well, that’s very embarrassing is all I can say. You really want to get drunk only to call up your grandmother and tell her you love her so much? Yeah – sounds like my perfect night in. A simple way to combat this is to change your address book names away from “Mum” or “Gran” or “Aunty X” to their real first names, and amazingly it actually works – this is because when you drink it heavily infects your intelligence.
5. Persuade people that you’re not drunk.
All you do is look like a prat. I feel no sympathy for people who say they are not drunk, start walking away and bash their leg on a chair.. or fall over along the way – to which everyone has permission to call him/her a prick. Be honest if your drunk, after all – they say that the truth is meant to come out when you’re drunk.
6. Buy any more shot’s that you’re just going to spill all over your front.
Shots are fun, I admit – and damn expensive too. If you take a shot, it’s like swallowing money – that’s how much it’s worth. Therefore, what kind of monumentally stupid prick would want to simply have a shot, only to find just a few drips in their mouth – and the rest of it down your specially washed and ironed shirt for the party you’re at. Great use of your money there – would you not agree? Drink until your drunk, but don’t carry on with the shots while you are drunk, is my advice.
7. Hit on anyone.
For obvious reasons; You look like a clot when you hit on someone when you are completely wankered, and they have even more of a right than normal to tell you to fuck off. Girls, if you are drunk and hit on a sober guy.. then, you never know, you might get somewhere – but be careful with yourself… and for you guys out there – I can assure you that this does not work the other way round… unless of course she is shit-faced as well. But then only possibly. And even then, you still have the lovely embarrassment of being around your friends/family… who WILL remember that occasion, and WILL NEVER let it down.
8. Brag on about how you brought your drinks (especially if you’re underage).
Ok, if you are under 18 (or 16, or 21 in other parts of the world), and you’re using some sort of fake ID or your brother’s ID or something like that… it’s obvious – you keep it to yourself, so word doesn’t get out. Right? Well, after a good few pints, people will wonder where you’re getting your drinks from, and if you let slip your secret – rumours of fake ID will spread like wildfire, and soon, the bar will know, and close. Don’t let it down for you and your mates on a night out – simple as that. Otherwise, theres another perfect reason to call you a prick.
9. Tell people what you think of them.
This point comes hand in hand with an experience shared by one of my good mates. Basically, he went to one of these random parties, got properly drunk, and after a few hours, went up to a girl he had been eyeing up, and greeted her with “you have no idea how much I wanna shag you right now”, very loudly. Because he was so drunk, he didn’t realise this girl was the host, and consequently, my friend got escorted off the premises! Ah.
10. Dance so much you get sweat patches all over your body.
Attractive, huh? If you are in anyway, shape or form a single hetrosexual – possibly looking for someone to go out with (mind you, do obey rules #7 and #9) – this is possibly one of the biggest crimes you could ever do… I mean, dance all you like – just don’t do it so much you look like you’ve just been swimming. To overcome this, either don’t dance so much, don’t go to impress, or wear white which won’t show up sweat as bad.
So there you go everyone, thank you for reading. Please comment on and share this post – even if you think I said something wrong! Later everyone!
Recent Comments